It was a strange day yesterday! Two things happened: I was offered a job (yippee!) and I learnt that I was carrying a LOT of tension in my body. The two are not linked, but both were positive discoveries, even the second one!
First of all, the job offer. I don’t want to talk too much about it I case I jinx it, so I’ll talk more about this when it actually materialises next month! But, safe to say, the job offer was based on a recommendation of my work, so it’s a bit of a confidence booster for someone who doesn’t often rate themself very highly. I need to start believing I’m a champion!
I’ve always tried to see the positive in life, and, at this moment, I do wonder whether the universe is saying ‘this is for you’ and may have dealt me a good card this time. I saw this quote that I think reflects how I feel about it:
Since relocating to France, I’ve worked hard to find a job and suffered a few knock-backs (they really don’t make it easy for you!) I’ve persevered to earn my right to work freelance, but had always hoped to work in a French environment rather than from home. The job offer means I’ll have achieved that goal……..so, fingers crossed!
The second news, that I’m carrying a LOT of tension in my body, isn’t really that much of a surprise. In addition to always trying to stay positive, I’ve also worked hard at coping with everything life has dealt me, without ‘going under’ and ‘bothering’ anyone too much with any anxiety I might have suffered, or currently suffer. I’ll never forget a family member advising me never to talk about any problems I had as it would scare people away! Looking back, that was really bad advice! In contrast to that, I’ve always been someone that others can confide in. A problem shared is a problem halved, after all. Fast forward a few decades and I have constant back, shoulder and neck pain! So, I went to see a chiropractor for the first time yesterday who does the usual pulling and cracking, but also offers a very holistic approach to his treatments.
I felt vulnerable, but at the same time intense relief that he could see, in the way I carried myself, that I had bottled my emotions up for some time. This site is called Unbottle Life because it’s about unbottling our emotions and fear, and at the same time our potential and real worth to live our best self, without pain or shame in the most healthy and happy way possible. In this vein, to take a leaf out of my own book, I had to get real with him about the emotions I was holding down, as though I was trying to hold an inflatable ball down in a swimming pool.
Warning: Tree hugging hippy shit moment coming up
Fast forward a little and I found myself blubbing like a baby for a few minutes! I was horrified, but at the same time just went for it, as it was going to come out whether I liked it or not! I felt like my shoulders had sunk an inch by the time I was done, and he hadn’t even asked me what I was blubbing about! He asked me the name of my emotion (guilt) and its colour (purple). He asked me what emotion I would like to feel (joy) and what colour that would be (pink, of course!). He then asked me to put my hand over my heart, and breathe in pink and breathe out purple until I could only see pink.
Well, wouldn’t you know it, the visualisation seemed to work and I started to feel a bit of a warm glow and sense of calm. So, I don’t really care who thinks that’s bullshit, it worked for me!
Thanks to this ‘release’, I think my back will improve and I may have finally found something to ‘exorcise’ those pent up feelings from (we’re talking years here) way back.
Oh, and it’s now Day 15 of my alcohol free life and, aside yesterday’s blubbing, I’m feeling good! I even had a delivery of some alcohol free beer I’m going to try out: Erdinger, isotonic, contains vitamins B9 and B12…..and it won’t make me a drunken bloater!
UPDATE: Little did I know, but it was not the work of the chiropractor in terms of the ‘corrections’ he made to my back and pelvis, rather the emotional ‘work’ that helped my back feel better that day: the ‘uncorking’ of my pent up emotions and voicing some of what I had buried away. Looking back (it’s January 2020) I realise how far I have come since then. I discovered the work of Dr Sarno and the diagnosis of TMS. This is what will heal me, and I am determined to share my knowledge to help others who are suffering from chronic pain.