(Day 22 of no booze! Hell yeah!). I meant to write yesterday, but ran out of time as I had a job interview, worked and went to a lycee meeting that lasted an hour and a half, and which left me with a slight headache from some of the, fast as a TGV, French speakers! But it was a good day, and I was offered a job! I’ll start on the 1st October, on a 7 month contract. It’s a post I’ve wanted ever since I moved to France 5 years ago. It’s early in the morning, so I think I’ll express this in an image….
I’m really pleased 😉 Nervous, but excited, and I think it’ll be good for me in terms of my confidence and self-belief. Plus the extra money will be nice!
Back to the meaning behind the title. Two days ago, I felt a bit, well….wretched. I didn’t feel motivated to do anything and the thought of ‘what am I doing? dominated my day. I was asking myself whether I really wanted to put myself on the periphery of life, and if I was really strong enough to be there. The periphery consisted of: being teetotal and eating a plant-based diet. It feels silly to be writing about this now, when I feel so much better and more resolute, but at the time I honestly wondered whether I wanted to be that much ‘different‘ to those around me. I am, quite literally, the only non-drinking vegan in the village! Images of Moby (remember him?) come to mind, except I’m an atheist.
I saw myself as being ‘difficult’, having made choices that didn’t fit with societal ‘norms’.
I wondered whether 1) my husband would miss his ‘drinking partner‘ and 2) whether my friends would still want to socialise with me. I wondered if I really wanted to be 3) the ‘difficult’ dinner guest with my unusual dietary needs. In summary, I felt pretty down in the dumps, and needed a good cry to release some tension. That did help, a bit.
Fast forward to the next day, and I felt so much better! Nothing miraculous had happened; it was just another day, and perhaps the big blub had helped.
I answered my own questions:
- No. My husband can happily drink without me! Not to excess, and it’s not a problem for him. And he doesn’t need me to ‘partner’ him when he drinks. He understands my decision and supports me.
- This is yet to be tested, as I don’t get out much! But honestly, if I have friends who are prepared to dump me because I no longer drink, they weren’t really friends in the first place.
- I won’t eat animals just to please other people. I don’t judge them on their choices, and I don’t expect to be judged on mine. Eating a plant-based diet isn’t ‘extreme’; it’s good for me, it’s good for the planet, and I love it! I should never feel the need to apologise for making this choice.
So, the moral of the story? When you’re feeling bad, lick your wounds, and keep your head up.